To the guy who got my heart broken:
I know I have told you how I felt about you before, but I’m gonna say it again. You have been a huge part of my life. You were not just a simple crush nor a mere admiration. You were my first love and my first heartache. I think I haven’t told you that though? I met you and I must say it was hate at first sight- no offense but I find you arrogant and grumpy since you don’t talk much, others greeted me warmly, and you- you were just there minding your own business. As I stare at your back at the school van, months had passed I had realized you were not what I seem to be like I had misjudged you. You were a cool, mature, serious type and had an awesome mindset about your perspectives in the way you see things and such. I knew that because I can’t help myself but listen to your conversations with others in the van. It was the second day of our intramurals and I think it was in the middle of September. You were in the basketball team and as you score points you smiled right back at me or maybe somewhere near where I’m at I don’t like to think that I’m delusional but the truth was I was mesmerized by your smile it was as if I was transported into another world- the world of fictional novels where the main character would smile and the world would be at a slow-motion phase and it was the first time that I had admitted that you were handsome and the first time I realized that I had like you in the beginning. After your team won we were heading home and then you sang this song I can never forget “Ngiti” while wearing a pair of sunglasses and smiling widely although you haven’t sung it well. I, for sure fell for it like a broken CD stuck in my head. You’ll never imagine what that song would make me feel back then. If I hear it I would automatically smile as I thought of you. As I tried to sing it, I can’t, I’ll just end up grinning like a fool. You got me bad. You were two grade levels ahead of me and maybe even older by age. I guess I was too naïve to know what love really was and what love can do to people. Things happened and opportunities were wasted, I was contented with just seeing you from afar because I do not dare to even talk to you. I was afraid and so in any possible ways, I dared not to get near you, especially with the misunderstanding we had with your cousins and friends. You were the right guy yet in the wrong place and time. I wondered if I was braver would something change. Would I be a part of your life even just for a while? But then, there is no use in asking the impossible and hoping for it to be possible because we were miles apart and I can never reach a guy like you even though the skies were the limit. Years had passed I transferred to another school and I had hoped not to hear from you or even see you any longer. The phase of moving on from someone you never had in the first place was quite a challenge. I can’t help myself but compare the guy I would like to you. You were so different, so peculiar and no matter what I did I still came back and thought of you and so I thought God really answered my prayers because it seems that our paths would never be crossed again. For a short period, I thought I was over you when this guy I like at the present had hurt me so bad. December 2018, I went to a grocery with my mom and grandma and she asked me to buy their favorite chicharon at Alva’s and so I did. Then I looked around while I was in line, then accidentally my eyes caught yours. I was so damn nervous I quickly looked away and pretended nothing happened but damn you sure woke my spirits up as my heart beats triple times on its own. The effect of me after seeing you again for 4 years. I did not expect that. After that you had me wondering for days until it was New Year’s Eve. All alone in my bed I suddenly thought of something stupid I never should have done. In a snap I was typing down words- a couple of them and all I thought at that time was to confess the feelings I had once, these unspoken words I’ve kept for years so that maybe I could move on and end it all. I spoke of how it happened, I spoke of how I felt all this time, and how grateful I was to have met a person like you. It was full of cheesy kinds of stuff I know but it felt great but it was damn embarrassing. I never thought a girl like me would do such a shameful act but what could I do, I wanted a conclusion to end the misery of ‘what if's, so I did but decided to deactivate my Facebook account for a day. It was embarrassing! Like what if you had forgotten about me and here I am sending an awful long sweet message to you describing how I felt before moving on and it was like NEW YEAR’S EVE where did I have my guts to do such a thing! HAHAHHA can’t believe it but I guess I can be indecisive at times but I felt a whole lot better releasing something I couldn’t say a few years ago. Like FREEDOM at last. I wasn’t expecting a reply though but I never really thought you’ll respond. You told me you appreciated my sincerity and genuine emotions. All is well. Cheers to the feelings we once had and a mark of a memory that can never be replaced. To the heartaches and maybe’s you made me feel, cheers to that. Till we meet again in another life and maybe you would finally be the right person, in the right place, and at the right time. For now farewell and be happy.
From the girl, you never noticed:-]
Comments